Nor Funeral
by Marichama
Summary: [HikaruxKaoru]Jealousy can cause serious damage to the mind. This in turn causes action, and where there is action there is a mistake. Mistakes...lead to revenge. Revenge? Is served best cold... R&R PLease!
1. Moral Conjunction

**AN:**

_Now, Before you say much...this takes place a little after 21, and or 16. In the Episodes that is. If you know what happens in 21 you know why it is that I mention when he came running to him. Hehe, As for the characters and the story I don't own any of it though I would like to very much so haha-_

_please enjoy and __**READ & REVIEW!**_

Chapter One: ./Moral Conjunction

I didn't understand it at first, but I guess...that's how most things work in life. I keep, telling myself this...but I don't want to believe it either. Each time I wake up, and every time we meet. It's the same harsh feeling, that feeling where your chest tightens and your eyes begin to well with tears; that same feeling when you say something you don't mean, knowing its going to hurt someone but you say it anyway.

"Kaoru, You alright?" I don't answer, my mind is preoccupied with the streaming light that continues to follow me into the room. "Kaoru!"

"na?" I cant ignore him for that long...after all, he is my counter-part.

Hikaru's arm's crossed and he offered me the same grim smirk that he gave to his Highness when he was up to something...only this time-

"Kaoru-san, mooo...Didn't think I could find you here huh?" But his way about words made it easier, for some reason...to accept what I had done. It made me smile.

"haha... Nii-chan, but then I remember we're in the same room as we've always been."

I guess what I said came as a surprise to him, because the look he reflected mine with was more than enough to make me regret saying it.

And then she showed up.

The same girl that I had tried so hard to make Hikaru befriend, and appreciate. The same girl that had entered our lives and changed us both, the same...friend, I had encouraged to break the link-...No. No I had promised to myself that I wouldn't consider it as such, I promised myself...that I...

"Hikaru-kun...Kaoru-kun, how are things?" She even spoke like a boy, and for some reason hearing those words made my smile fade. But I turned as if to hide it.

Neither noticed, and I doubted they would care...after all, Hikaru had become so involved in his feelings for Haruhi-san that I guess, maybe I was becoming a second rate to him.

But that wasn't true either...and I knew it.

"Of course, I'm just thinking too hard."

Both Haruhi and Hikaru turned and stared at me for a few seconds, "what?" He had been the first to ask, but I found it hard to respond.

"a-ah...I was...just thinking aloud." Painting face was something I had perfected since then...that day- Some Halloween Celebration it had been. But I did need to remember; after all that he did come running to me...he came running to me even when Haruhi was there with him.

The words she had said then, it made me want to smile thinking about it but I knew that it simply wasn't enough to provoke the action.

"Alright, well...Kaoru-kun, Shall we go?" I turned to stare at the two who had apparently been awaiting my presence...but would I go?

"Ah, no- I'm...fine, really go on without me. I have a few things I need to finish up here." It wasn't the strange to see the two of us...Hikaru and I without one another anymore. But it was still strange to me.

Hikaru smiled and took Haruhi by the arm as he turned to wave by, their steps echoing in my mind as they progressed to the exit of the Host Club Room.

"..." The sound the door made as it shut sent shivers down my back. "...I knew it..."

--

I would spend the next hour sitting alone in the Host room, with my knee's pulled tight into my chest; my eyes focused on an imaginary figure down in the courtyard that I could spy from the window. Hikaru was my brother, and I knew that. But...would he continue to go forward with his relationship? I remember myself once telling Kyouya Sempai that Hikaru had been simply too dense to consider his feelings for love...

...but now, I was starting to think I might have been wrong.

It was possible after all, every person had the potential to gather feelings for another and place them together as something much greater. I should have seen it coming...I should have seen something like that happening.

Why was I so blind? Did I want his happiness so much that I would sacrifice my own?

"...yes..." It was a dumb question. Because I already knew the answer.

Hikaru, my dearest brother. "Why don't you come play with me again?" The words that uttered from my lips, they were phantom words. Created from unreal truths and beliefs.

I wanted them to be Phantom words. I wanted him to be happy, and I wanted to be happy for him.

...So why was it so hard?

"Mo! Hikaru-kun!"

"hahahaha, Harruuuhiiiiii!"

"..." Their voices, so chipper and loud, so happy. My eyes widened when I looked a little further to my left to spy the two in the courtyard, but not alone...no, of course not. With them were Mori and Honey Sempai, and even His Highness. It was strange to see them all down there...Kyoya too. But where was I? That's right...I was here, in this chair, pulled into myself.

" Happy ending, Happy ending..." I whispered, letting my eyes lid some, moistening from the thoughts that plagued my mind. "Always Always..."

But my thoughts stopped, as I stared and my eyes got even wider- if for a split second I saw the way he looked at her. The way she looked at him.

Perhaps, it was unrequited?

Had I set him up for hurt..?

No. I didn't...I couldn't have- otherwise she wouldn't have returned that gaze. "...ghn..." I felt myself whimper, a stray hand pressing to the glass as I stared. For the first time since I let Hikaru take my place on that date...for the first time, was I beginning to feel like it was Haruhi who had replaced me.

It was wrong, and I knew it...but she moved...and he followed.

She laughed...and he would smile.

It wasn't supposed to go that far, Right Kyouya sempai..? It was just a crush remember? "Why...then..." I couldn't hear my own voice, but I would feel my lips moving. "Why...why is it hurting so much? Why do I feel like I made a mistake?"

It's because I did.

I knew it. I could feel it, I could hear it, I could taste is...smell it..

...I could touch my mistake. My pale hands, beginning to sweat with frustration as it moved down the glass- my vision becoming distorted with the increasing amount of negative thoughts I let barricade my mind. But it was impossible to stop, it was futile attempt that would only end in failure...

And I knew this because I had been the one that started it.

Yes. That was right, I began this...

"But then why..." I sobbed, feeling my mind begin to throb with pain. "why...cant I stop it?" My fingers clenched against the glass.

A moment passed, and all I could see was the sunny world, a clear world that was separating the outside, shattering. I didn't mean to-

Most certainly I didn't understand why...

That is...until the blinding light that sparked my gaze cleared and I could see as they all looked up at me from that far below. Until I could see the windows remains and how my hands were bleeding. Whatever numbness I had experienced a few moments before had all dissipated now...leaving me with a load of pain.

'ah...It-hurts...' I winced, and moved to clear myself from the scene, but something stopped me.

His gaze...

Those...deep green and yellow orbs that made me want to fall over. His worried gaze, not a slight glint...but instead, a shocking disbelief. And I find myself stiffened under that heated gaze.

"..." Finally, I find the strength to pull away, and in a desperate attempt to escape- I turned to leave.

-------

**AN:**_REVIEW NOW! D': 3_

"_...I don't expect you to understand..." he said, turning away from the touch, shying away from the reality of it all. "I just...needed to tell you..."_

Na- huh?

Moo- ahh...

Nii-chan- Brother


	2. Happy Ending

**AN:** _ahhh…I actually got reviews wow I'm totally shocked! Lol Thank you everyone! Really!_

_**HIKARU:**_ _eep! No worries, this will be! I don't think I would be able to NOT make it a HikaruxKaoru. I worship them!_

Chapter Two: ./Happy Ending.

Rushing water, it was somewhat…. scary. When the cold liquid that should so easily be recognizable…Isn't. What was it that made a mind wonder? Was it the same thing that made a person desire? Was it of thesame origin as Jealousy? There is nothing but silence now. Even when around the one you care for more than anyone else; did that mean a farewell? The time had ended, and now it was beginning to seal.

He wanted help. He wanted to see the light again, to feel the embrace so soft and caring; to be able to hold that same familiar frame again. There was no time, there was nothing left for him to stare at.

Kaoru's world was Hikaru's world. There would be nothing but silence now, unable to carry on in a recognized fashion without hesitation.

Yes, Damnitt…this is what it meant to be alone. This is what it meant to be in denial.

"..." Kaoru's eyes watched the mirror reflection of himself, his mind numb with the sound of running water. Disgusting, he would think- continuing to stare- forgetting that his hands were in dire need of bandaging. Disgusting, he looked so much like him, yet no where similar.

They were the same right? Did that mean he had to love himself? Did loving Hikaru mean he had to love the very image that he despised more than anything? Himself?

What was wrong with him, anyways?

Well…there was plenty. But naming them wouldn't change anything. Hikaru was the perfection that Kaoru sought in himself…and he was sure, that for others it was vice versa. One was not whole without the other, and yet if you looked half the time you could find the two were almost never together. Always there, but separated by one very prominent variable.

Haruhi Fujioka.

'She is a very sensible, honest, and forthright individual, and her down-to-earth practicality has charmed both the Host Club's members and its customers'

"Yes, but what does that mean to me?" he asked himself, continuing to stare into the Male restrooms mirror, beginning to grow somewhat angered with what he saw. For one, Kaoru did not feel harsh towards Haruhi in any respects…no; in fact he liked her very much.

And that was probably why he had allowed her to get so close to Hikaru. It was his fault, and he knew that. Damnitt but it was still so hard to accept.

"Kaoru," This time it wasn't Hikaru who came first…no, it had been Tamaki Sempai. Yes, as strange as it was to all of them he had his mature moments as well as the next.

"Kaoru what happened? Your hands, and the WINDOW!" He wasn't mad, he was worried. Kaoru assessed at the very least that much. He was about to answer when Kyouya stalked in, holding his usual clipboard and pushing his spectacles up idly with one hand to stare at the boy. "Yes, the window…which will be coming out of your c-"

"Yeah Yeah!" Hikaru shouted, pushing past both of them, eager to see his younger twin. After spying so much blood off the others hands, and the sudden crash of the window it was something that he wouldn't…that he couldn't ignore. "Otooto-" he began, but was stopped.

"Nii-chan, I'm alright, see?" Kaoru rose his hands to show how the cuts weren't as bad as they had bled to be. But it wasn't enough.

"Kaoru! What happened in there?" while Hikaru asked, a few murmurs crossed others lips as they all inquired about the incident. After all it wasn't like one of the Hitachiin brothers to go about breaking windows….and if so certainly not Kaoru.

"…" They were all staring. "…" Their eyes…they were beginning to burn holes in his skin. This wasn't comfortable. What was he supposed to say? 'Oh, I got jealous that you all seemed fine down there without me, and even more so that my Twin brother and pretend lover was off flirting with a girl that I really do like but at the moment cant stand. So everything is fine now because I just BROKE A WINDOW.'

If they had truly cared to be looking it might have been evident how uncomfortable they were making him. At least, Hikaru began to notice, and it made him uncomfortable as well. "Na, Kaor-" For some reason or another, people loved to consistently interrupt the boy.

"Kaoru-kun?" Haruhi stepped in and smiled to him, taking his hand. After all, she was no fool to what concerned her. "Come with me, I'll get this cleaned up." When they moved from the bathroom, Kaoru hadn't even realized what was happening…only that they had been moving at a steady pace away from the area while everyone watched- but no one said anything to stop her.

Some part of him wanted Hikaru to shout at her. To stop her from taking him away.

But he knew that the other wouldn't. He knew that that was simply something that didn't happen because this was Haruhi and that was Hikaru. Happy happy endings. With Happy Hikaru and Happy Haruhi. That's how things worked.

No one cared about the happy ending that Kaoru had written for himself. No one…

…Not even Hikaru.

--

"Are you jealous Kaoru?"

She was blunt.

"…I have nothing to be jealous of Haruhi-san, only envious…" His now properly bandaged fingers moved up and down as he laughed nervously. "ahh, your so good at everything, Haruhi."

"…"

"…"

It was becoming awkward. The two of them, standing there like that, as if something were going to be said. But what?

"I actually, just got this sudden urge to break glass. You know, school exams can be quite stressful this time of year." But she wouldn't fall for it. She shared classes with him and knew more than enough to know that the boy was usually busy staring at Hikaru or laughing with the girls as the twins made fake passes at each other.

…Fake…

Everything was becoming Fake.

Him. Her. Hikaru. What was real? What wasn't? Haruhi frowned, blinking her large auburn gold eyes once- a hand straying as she touched his shoulder. " Kaoru, It's not like that, you know. Hikaru is just a friend, a really good friend. Like you, Kyoya, Tamaki, Mori and Honey sempai."

Her smile always did make them smile too, even though it had been the last thing he wanted to do. " If you're upset about that, you don't need to be. Really."

"And what if that's not what I'm upset about…?" he asked, letting his solemn eyes reach up and grab hold of hers. "What if that's nowhere near what I'm feeling...?"

Though it was, he didn't want her to know. How upset he was with her. How upset he was with Hikaru…with himself.

"well, if its not then I guess it's-"

"Just, stop guessing." Kaoru commented, rolling his head backward and then finally back to Haruhi- his brows knitting tightly at their ends. His lips partially parted. He had caught her by surprise, which was evident. "Stop guessing…Haruhi…" He continued, moving so that he could lean over her. "You don't know me as well as you think…you don't know my world- You may think you know Hikaru's but that doesn't give you the right to even once consider for a second that you know mine." What was he saying? Why was he being so mean?

Because he was protecting himself… He was protecting his heart. He wanted the pain to stop.

"K-Kaoru…" she whispered, her eyes not once hinting that she had been fazed by the words, but her voice was showing otherwise. It was strange…how even with a person trying so hard to be tough or to be strong- that they ended up contradicting themselves without even knowing it.

"No!" he nearly shouted, grasping the wall at either of her sides. "No…Haruhi, you don't understand!" he wanted to run off, but he needed to say it. "You will never fully understand!"

He needed to let her know if not anyone else.

She needed to know why- so that maybe she could tell him…tell Hikaru, when Kaoru most obviously couldn't.

" You just don'-"

The door to the third music room opened and Hikaru made entrance with Mori, Honey naturally at his shoulders and Kyouya by his side. Each stopping in their tracks once realizing what was going on.

At the very least, what they thought had been going on.

"…" Even Kyouya had a shocked expression. This…was something they simply did not intend.

"…ka…oru.." Hikaru breathed, looking at where his hands led- pinning the distressed girl to the wall. Kaoru- staring wide eyed back at the four. Secretly, he thanked the gods that Tamaki sempai hadn't been present.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru shouted, dashing towards the two while Kyoya stepped aside to let him-

Kaoru looked at his hands and let go- Haruhi sighing with relief as Hikaru came up to examine her. But not once…did he turn to examine Kaoru- his very own brother.

He gulped and took a deep breath. If he couldn't tell Haruhi, he would simply tell Hikaru straight out. It was the least that the other deserved. " Hikar-"

Without warning, a fist came from near thin air and smacked Kaoru hard across the face, knocking him backwards and hard onto his back hitting the floor. It was so sudden, that no one in the room dared to breathe.

"…." When Kaoru caught his composure long enough to look up he was stiffened with the hard angered gaze that Hikaru threw to him- Haruhi's eyes wide with shock.

"h-hika…" His eyes began to water, but that was nothing compared to the sheer anger and despise that Hikaru was harvesting silently.

"DAMNIT KAORU!" he shouted, shaking his head, hands pushing Haruhi from the scene. "Can't you ever just think about anyone but yourself?"

…No…

Th…that wasn't…

"…"

He was dead silent. No words could be spoken. For if he opened his mouth, he feared that his soul might simply fly out…away, never coming back. Not after that.

Not after Hikaru hit him…not after such...nasty…mean words.

Hikaru stood his ground for a good two minutes afterward before pushing Haruhi to the door and turning away from the other to accompany her. The entire time, her voice trying to express itself as she argued the others innocence.

He scared her, with words…not actions. He frightened her, with reality, not with idealistic ways.

She was hurting Kaoru…and now, Hikaru had done something near unforgivable.

…

Things stayed silent, even when the Third Music Room's door closed silently. Kaoru- still staring at the place where Hikaru had been standing- that look he had give him forever burned into him. No amount of words, caress or time would take that hurt away. The scornful hurt, the same hurt that could be felt when you find yourself pushing someone to the limits…

The same limits he had been pushed to.

The same limits that he thought he would never return from.

He hated those limits, now more than ever.

'_Fine…'_

He thought to himself. _'That's…okay…'_

Though he wished more than anything that he hadn't been so careless as to let his emotions get the best of him with Haruhi. She didn't deserve that. No one did…

"…" His pale fingers rested against the now rising lump on his cheek, feeling the sincere hurt and shock coming up off it. He wanted to cry. He wanted to sob and cry but there was no one there for him to cry to.

Kaoru was so afraid of that. Crying alone…finding himself in pure agony with no one to support him. He wouldn't put himself in that situation.

But it was so hard…not ...to…

"…ngnh…" He let a sniffle escape. It was all right though…because he had brought that upon himself…and now he couldn't get rid or it. He couldn't get rid of that pain.

"…gngh…h-hikar…u.." he sobbed finally- letting the tears begin to streak down his face.

No one cared…and it was his fault.

Everyone wanted his or her happy endings.

But no one cared, if he got his.

…No, Kaoru's Happy ending…meant nothing.

--

**AN:**_ moo….Weep and eat your heart out._

_READ AND REVIEW! Ty!_

Otooto- Little brother.


	3. Deadweights

**AN:**

_Woah, first of all I just want to thank EVERYONE who has reviewed, you have NO idea how much I appreciate it. : and I don't even advertise lol, but uhm_

_Please please keep reading :' I really am thrilled. Thank you all!_

Chapter 3: ./Deadweights

"He didn't need to do that." Hikaru whispered, pushing forward his hands in the car that he, Haruhi and Kyouya currently resided in.

"..." She was quiet, awfully quiet, and if that didn't strike odd...then nothing would. The boy's brows knitted at ends, laying his hand on her shoulder. She quickly brushed it off as if without a second thought.

"Haru...hi.." he whispered, looking to Kyouya who too, stared. Hikaru's eyes reverted back to the young girl. "Haruhi what's wrong, what exactly did Kaoru say to you?" His eyes flashed with a little bit of anger. But...part of him, felt nearly bad for what he had done.

Part of him...wanted to turn this car around and go straight home to his twin, to apologize and take back what he did. Perhaps, would Kaoru hit Hikaru out of revenge? A small smile formed as he thought about it, this was quickly destroyed upon hearing the words that fell from Haruhi's lips like boulders.

"...You should've seen his face Hikaru."

"..." He winced.

" Sometimes, I try to make sense...of why you act off so much impulse. He's your brother and still you hesitated none to jump to the worst conclusion you could think of at the given moment. Why? So you could hit him?" Haruhi's eyes moved to see that Hikaru had turned his away- distracted as if not wanting to admit his fault. Even though he already had. "It's painful Hikaru if your so blind to your mistakes that your willing to let someone else take the fall for them."

After a moment of silence, the driver announced their destination and Haruhi grabbed her bag, readied to go when a hand grabbed hers.

She turned to stare, Kyouya at her side, a thin smile spread across his lips. "I look forward to seeing you Tomorrow, Ms. Fujioka, Be assured, things will be fine," with the nod of his head the older boy released her- leaving her a stare before finally exiting and moving near immediately up to her small apartment.

The rest of the ride would prove to be rather dull, quiet, and subtle.

That was, until...

" Do you think it Hurt?" Hikaru asked, leaning on his shoulder against the limousines back door as he stared out the partially opened window. Without a response, he repeated his sempai's name. "Kyouya?

He rose his head from his notebook, taking only a quick glace. "...what, Hikaru?"

"..." Hikaru frowned. "...when I hit him. Do you...think it hurt?"

--

What dull taste...

...it tasted, like...metal.

Iron?

No...yes...

I hated it. I wanted it to stop. But I couldn't, it was an eternal wound...not something that I could fix. I choked on my own tongue, feeling it build towards the back. "Arg..." It tasted disgusting, the feeling that I was encountering, the taste. The bitter realization that I was hiding away...

When I was once so sure of myself and furthermore, when I was so sure of him. It had all come crashing down...

"..." I wanted to whisper his name but part of me knew it wouldn't help the situation any. I was alone now.

No. But...yes, I was. I didn't want to think that I was...I didn't want to be alone when I had grown so dependant on him. It was such a painful thought, wracking at the back of my hands- over the white knuckles as I clenched the sink below me, my blood beginning to stain it.

I was biting down so hard that I was afraid my teeth might break, but it felt right. I just wanted to bite, sit there and hold tightly to nothing; hold tightly, thinking, somehow, that he wouldn't let go of me. He wouldn't abandon me.

"..." My eyes moved to the front of his bathroom mirror. His room always did seem so much nicer than my own...even his bathroom.

And I smiled. "...Hikaru..." But it wasn't Hikaru in the mirror. I was fooling myself. I wanted to be just like him, I wanted to be him. Then, maybe then he would be happy. No more of this, no more of the misunderstandings.

But it wasn't possible.

I was me. He was himself.

There was no changing that and it hurt to know. God did it hurt.

I didn't want to Change Hikaru. I wanted...to change myself.

"...Hikar...u..." Damnitt it was starting again.

When I managed to let myself be run by these painful emotions, while staring at myself in the mirror it seemed no better than having to stand in front of him and cry. My feet felt like dead weights and yet somehow I managed to get across to the chair that was in the semi-section that marked the bathroom from the bedroom- flopping down into it with an exasperated sigh. "..." I could still remember the days, when I was so sure of you and I, Hikaru.

I was so glad, to know I was your brother. To know I was helping you. I was so glad...

"What once was two, had somehow...before our eyes turned to Three, Hikaru..." as I spoke I lifted my left hand to settle in front of my eyes. It looked pale...and worn.

Nothing like his.

...Why was I smiling?

"We are not together here."

There was a sound, but somehow I managed to block it out until a figure was leaning over me with a sadness in my eyes that not even I could ignore. " We're not?"

I shot up. "H-Hikaru!" but he wasn't interested in that, no...his cold fingers were running over my face, examining my cheek and opening my mouth as if to check for broken teeth. The expression he gave left me relieved, and Im sure, himself as well.

"...Kaoru.."

Hearing his voice like that, brought back the tears to my eyes and I darted away from him, pushing myself from the chair and past- going a few steps before stopping to take a deep breath. It was evident I had been sobbing, because when I breathed...it made that sound, a raspy sound. As if my nose had been plugged.

I hated that...

"Kaoru-" he rose his voice, taking a few steps closer to grab my wrist. This time I didn't try to pull away.

...no, not..this time.

"...Hikaru.." I took his hand and pressed it to my cheek, letting the cool fingers run across the heated pain that he had left me with.

...Why was I smiling?

"We...are here together, right?" Why was I asking?...I didn't know... "There was once a time, Hikaru when you said we were together, remember?" Why did I always bring up the past..?

I didn't want to remember the past if I could no longer have it. But this wasn't about me. This was about him...this was about his happiness.

Poor Hikaru. He must of thought I was insane, because his eyes were so large It made me chuckle...however, what humor I had he hadn't seemed to share.

"Kaoru," his free hand mirrored the one I held, holding either side of my face. "...Kaoru...w-what kind of question is that?"

Why did he look so sad...? I wasn't leaving, I wasn't going anywhere. I pledged my eternal allegiance to him. I was his twin.

Why did he have tears in his eyes?

I could feel my heart skip a beat.

Why did his cheeks loose their color?

"We're...always together, Kaoru." He shook his head, dropping his hands onto my shoulders, which gradually, to my surprise, moved around my back until he held me tightly against him.

The sudden feeling of his tears against my neck as he sobbed into my nape, it took my breath away. "We...we will always be together Kaoru! Don't you ever forget that...okay? Ever!" Some part of me...stiffened, but my arms somehow managed to wrap around him in return, my knee's beginning to buckle with pain.

Why...why was he crying...?

Why...was I smiling?

I-

"Im so sorry! Kaoru-" he pulled away, and just his facial expression was enough to make me whimper. His eyes were red and filling with tears, his lips were shaking.

Had what he done, affected him that much?

...but...I understood.

Oh...I got it, then.

He figured, that I was considering leaving. Was that it? Yes...that must have been it.

That must have been why he was crying against me. Apologizing...right?

...If I threatened to leave, he would always come back to me...was that it?

But I couldn't do that to him.

I'm not going to lie.

Because I...

...would never leave him.

--

**AN:** _you think it's over...?_

_YOUR WRONG!_

_READ AND REVIEW PLEASE D:_


	4. Truths Belittled

**AN:**

_Holy Cow. I had...no intention to continue this story. OO but I got...so may reviews, I just had to xx After re-reading it I realize I really do need to go through and make quite a few corrections. Please dismiss any errors in this chapter, I don't know why but... I don't have the energy to go over it just yet. So I will later. But I've been badgered for the last half-year to update...XD so I shall. _

_Writing style has somewhat matured, so please...bear with me :) And THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS I LOVE YOU ALL :D ...D: YES MORE ANGST SHALL COME. :)_

Chapter Four: ./Truths Belittled

The sound of dull music filtered through the room as if it were idly passing by, coming and going much like the guests had. To think, I might have gotten used to it- but with every new person that entered this room, requesting either my or my twins presence it was enough to break open a wound which I _also_ thought I had gotten used to. I was wrong, evidently.

Two weeks had passed since the incident regarding whether or not I would put-up or leave this ridiculous jealousy I found myself dealing with. And yet, things haven't seemed to change one bit. It's as if nothing had ever happened in the first place. But that was alright, because he was happy and all I had to do was smile at him every now and then. It was easy on both of us.

Haruhi was still caring; which was good concerning I found myself spending a good amount of time with her as well lately. Trying my best to participate where I could- trying, and trying to be the same person I had been upon meeting her. I spoke when talked to, I reacted when it was expected, and I played the part beautifully as the bottom boy who needed saving every second of his life. It was me, of course. And no one else.

"Kaoru!" My name being called crashed my train of thought, forcing my head to the left where I could spy a group of girls who had summoned both my brother and I- him already standing obediently by them. I offered them a weak smile, standing and taking a few steps before I made my own ankle give way.

"Ah-" I could feel myself falling towards the ground, and within moments of hitting it familiar arms wrapped around my waste and beckoned me back upright. A perfect performance.

"Mou, Kaoru your going to hurt yourself if your not more careful..." his voice was so silky sweet that it made my eyes relax just hearing it- pretending was only half true. My hands moved over his cheeks and neck- my face beginning to hue a very light pink as his lips caressed the place where my neck and shoulders met. "Ah- nii-san..."

I clenched my eyes closed, hands gripping onto him for a better grasp of balance as he dipped me once more- the sound of girly giggles and sways of pleasure coming from all around us. This was normal for them, and I suspect it should too be normal for me. But it's not. Its different, and It feels different. Some part of me recognized that fact and yes...things must be forced at times, but does that also mean that I need to force It back? Would he be scared if he knew that I wasn't pretending?

That I wished he wasn't pretending?

My eyes dodged from Hikaru's action to the group watching, one of them standing out more than the rest- her auburn eyes burning into my mind like hot coals on the skin. Her dark hair barely moving as she moved her head only a moment- inquiring to my reaction. '_Haruhi...'_

Pushing myself up, I released Hikaru who in turn gave me a puzzled look briefly before turning me and walking me over to our love seat with a large grin on his face. She was staring, which meant she saw right through me to the truth. She could see that I enjoyed these touches, this attention...and while I was afraid she might mention it to him...to me, later- another part of me was relieved. Relieved that she could see that this type of affection by him was reserved for me only.

...But it was acting. I needed to remember that, at least on his behalf. It was acting.

The hosting was fairly slow, the girls always asking questions about our home life and how our mom would react if she ever walked in on us- the whole time his hand was clenched tightly around one of my own. It was humorous really. How could someone ask such questions and expect an honest answer so quickly? Anyone who was smart enough to see through the mask might too be able to see that this entire facade was made just so we could keep them coming back. Enough information to fuel their interest, but not enough to make them satisfied. That was how It worked...

"Na, Hikaru-kun...ne, C-could...you..please." A girl began, her small round face blushing from thoughts alone. Pondering at her question, he and I watched intently. "Please, k-kiss Kaoru-kun for us?" An uproar of laughter and giggles burst from the group of girls upon her request...and my heart dropped.

My hand shivered under his, and I knew in that moment he came to the sudden realization of just what was going on. This was a ploy... we had never kissed before. Never. But now, now that a guest was asking...

"..." My eyes turned to his slowly, his own mirroring my reaction. We blinked in sync. Whether or not any of the girls caught our hesitation was beyond me...I didn't care. The heat within those few moments, the tension that suddenly erupted from a mere, stupid, fangirl question was enough to make me faint. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and I could physically see his. We're brothers...

Brothers...they don't...

"..." My breath caught in the back of my throat as Hikaru slowly leaned forward, his eyelids lowered low enough so that just his piercing eyes watch my own. I couldn't breathe...I couldn't see; he was so close, I could feel the warmth of his breath against my face. Was he really going to go through with this? This was impossible- How could he...I didn't, but...but now he-

And there she was, staring as she had always been. Clearly able to look without even as much as an awkward glance back around the room. The only one of the hosts who was calmed and chilled, she was always the one who managed to make my blood boil. Her large...golden eyes...her striking gaze it sent shivers down my back.

"Ah!" I shouted, pushing Hikaru away before he could fully place his lips against my own- for a moment I had nearly forgotten about the request. A groan of disapproval slipped from their lips, watching the two of us, as I silently watched Haruhi. She was no longer looking...but I knew she had seen everything. I saw it, and I saw the disapproval in her eyes. Was she against this? Was _she_ jealous? I didn't like those odds.

"Nii-san!" I gasped, pressing a hand to my chest watching him like a hawk. "Y-You promised..." I made my eyes water, blinking the tears forward, "that you wouldn't take advantage of me for this..." I inhaled sobs, milking the situation for all it's worth. Hikaru hadn't missed a beat, pressing forward onto me so that a hand was pressed against my thigh- another to my chin.

"Mou, Kaoru...is it my fault that I just want to show the world how much I utterly adore you?"

...no...it's alright.

I think, I think it would be great if you could.

"B-but..." I tilted my head into his hand and then looked at him for a split second before leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to his jaw-line. It was a kiss, no less. That's what they had asked for...

But his reaction was enough to make me wish I hadn't. While the girls squealed and purred, Hikaru froze completely. His body seemed to tense, his hands releasing me almost instantly as he pulled back. What had I done? Surely I couldn't have done too much wrong...he was the one who was going to kiss _me_ only moments before. A little peck on the chin couldn't have suddenly made him that uncomfortable.

...could it?

--

The room emptied a little later than two in the afternoon, girls and boys alike filing through the doors until it was only the hosts present. Mori and Honey sempai sat at their usual table, eating cakes while the other sipped at his tea and read a small magazine on kendo performances world wide. This was their usual spot...after all.

Tamaki was trying to convince Haruhi to join him in a game of tag later, pleading that maybe it would bring he and his lovely daughter closer. All the while, she stared and shook her head- accusing him of being an idiotic boy who really needed to straighten his priorities. This too, was usual.

What wasn't, was the lack there of noise from the twins. Both sitting silently against the love seat, Kyoya silently jotting down records of their accounting system in his notebook. It was unbearable, how easily the two could sit there, without even as much as a glance at one another.

"..." Hikaru idly pushed his feet against the table they were on, watching his wrist-watch as if it were an extension of his own body. Kaoru watched him through the corner of his eyes- glancing back at the table every now and then, then to Kyoya before back to Hikaru. Finally their silence was shattered by their Sempai's voice.

"That was quite an adventure today." he commented blatantly, setting down his booklet and leaning back. Neither of the two really responded, both Hikaru and Kaoru sighing and going about their own business. Smirking, Kyoya grabbed his things and stood from the table. "It was good. Your daily earnings tripled today." He pushed his glasses up the ridge of his nose, "I hope to see more advances like this. Until then, enjoy yourselves."

As the other left, the two boys sat silently, gradually earning the composure to stare without words at one another. They were brothers, but they were also friends. They were best friends, and starting only a few years ago they had been pretend lovers.

...But was that all?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. That's all it was allowed to be.

**AN:** _:) More to come Please Review and lemme know what you think!_


	5. TEASER

_AN: Okay...again, I have no idea why I am continuing this. I guess, thank you to everyone who is reading this, and continues to read. Without you I would have surely not written this far lmao. This is a teaser, I repeat...**TEASER **for the real chapter five. :) Oohh man, and is that chapter LONG, STRONG, and bound to get the FREAK shit on. Needless to say- someone says something that changes the twins relationship...forever. )_

:D

Chapter Five Teaser: ./...Teaser.Lol.

"Hikaru-Kun, did I happen to leave my toothbrush at your sink?" When I turned the corner, the mess of red hair mirroring my own sat flushed under a sink-full of water, the faucet still running steadily over the back of his head. I smiled, leaning against the door frame to admire from afar.

He always did this. When he was upset, distraught, bored, or otherwise too unnerved by something that he would test how long his lungs could hold. One minute and thirty-one seconds had been his outstanding record, and that being true- it would only be a few seconds more that I knew he'd stay submerged.

3...

2...

1...

Long pale fingers twirled at the crystal base of the sink, the running water slowly becoming nothing more than hurried drops beating on the surface of the small reservoir that had formed. He lifted his head, a sopping wet disarray of hair with his small petite nose and mouth peaking out from beneath it, and turned to me as he pushed the tangled bangs aside.

"What?" His voice had been nothing more than I had expected. Two days had passed, and still we were on awkward terms. It wasn't like me to address situations so forwardly, but really...this was becoming tiresome, even for me. (Rather, I should say _especially_ for me.)

Raising myself from the lean, I moved around him taking a deep breath, "Nothing, It's right here. Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you nii-san." The small blue toothbrush was hard and cold in my hand, being the perfect object to subject to my ritualistic anger. Were this any normal situation, it would have been Hikaru whom I'd go to in my time of need, but with him being the center of such volatile frustration...well, it would be in both our best interests if I just didn't do anything.

The last time I had was what had caused all this.

He didn't say anything to stop me as I left the room and I was alright with that for the most part. What was I expecting him to do, stop me and say 'Kaoru, I understand. Let's not be angry?'. Fat chance. My brother was known for holding grudges, and while I still hadn't understood to the full extent why he wasn't talking to me I knew he wouldn't let up anytime soon.

Really I should be happy that talking to me was the only thing he wasn't doing. We still performed with one another during hosts, and we still snuggled occasionally if the girls had asked for it. But nothing more. Never anything more. No more in-depth affection, no concert or recitals. Nothing. Only two days, and it had seemed like forever. Sighing, I fell hard onto my bed.

Why was he so stubborn...

Why was I so messed up?

"Kaoru."

His voice sent chills down my spine, and I immediately shot up to look at the corner where the identical form stood still, a towel draped lazily over his shoulders where his hair had been dripping. My eyes flickered down his form to the carpet, then back up again- the twin garnet pools catching me so violently it stole my breath away.

"..." I didn't say anything, but the look on my face was enough for him to know I was listening.

He smiled a little and dropped his eyes. Just then he opened his mouth, silence spilling from it as if it were a poison, and he sucked his words back in.

Wait- what was he going to say?

My body leaned forward by itself, being caught in suspension by those words failed to be spoken. What was he going to say?

"I just wanted to say, Goodnight." My crown broke. A prince with no kingdom. Abandoned.

I smiled. "...Ne, goodnight Nii-san."

As he walked away from me, all I could feel was the tightening sensation in my chest- a thousand phantom daggers sticking into my sides and stomach settling comfortably among the sorrow and doubt. Goodnight, heh...so was that it?

I didn't want to think about it.

--

_  
AN: R&R!!_


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